It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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