We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
