In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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