You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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