I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
