you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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