wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
