I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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