I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
