is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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