I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
