i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dick very happy bro
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
