Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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