dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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