I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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