I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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