Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've blown a few things in my day
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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