College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
