Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My first STD was from a foam party
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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