Don't make out with my wife yet
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
