he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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