good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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