Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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