i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
