you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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