Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
