oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
