i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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