just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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