i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
