Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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