Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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