fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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