Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
