The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
