Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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