Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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