I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Even the bartender felt bad for me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
