Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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