There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
