Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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