Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
