Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
