Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
