Need sex. Gaining weight.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
