I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
