Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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