I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
