I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
