she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
