I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
