I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
