He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
