I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
