:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
