Where did you get a picture of my penis
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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