I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
