Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
