dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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