Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
