I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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