you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
