Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize