If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
