are you still at the devil's house?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
