Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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